aiy! I'm going to cry again. happy tears this time. I think. I'll start with happy ones at least. I'm more emotional than usual; how the hell is that possible? beyond hyper-emotional, there's another level? oy. I ascend.
so yesterday, I broke down and e-mailed Stacy because I thought how much it would suck if I went up and found out she could have been around but wasn't but would have been if she'd known, et cetera. I wrote an e-mail telling her I'd be there, and then I couldn't send it because I had a sudden phobia that she'd tell me some horrible Thing that would mean I couldn't go, and if she was going to do that then I really just wanted to already be there when they tried to tell me to leave. (a little paranoid here. somewhat from the sara-escape-visit that didn't happen. somewhat from my life in general. anxiety disorders provide hours upon hours of entertainment. or something to that effect.) said paranoia led me to actually (yes) open the invitation I couldn't open before (I sound so very capable, don't I?), which was a card with that beautiful Rogers logo (the one I, dorky von dork, draw onto my wrist and consider getting tattooed there, where you find my pulse) - and a piece of purple paper with more details. I read that I was supposed to have RSVPed by the 6th, which freaked me out, but at least now, Stacy couldn't tell me that. (It's not that I expected Stacy to want to ruin my plans or anything; I just expected something to get in the way, and she was the first person I was telling who wasn't either driving me there or entirely not involved with Rogers. other than Sara, obviously.) so I called Sara, asked her to talk with the very-cool receptionist with whom I was supposed to rsvp, and make sure this was all kosher, edited my e-mail to Stacy to read that I would definitely be around although there was this one confused point around the vigil-aspect, and sent it off. then, damn it all, the girl responded. already! today! the woman who never checks her e-mail is starting to learn! (yeay, yeay, yeay...despite the fear, this is a monstrously good thing.) I had to read it. I was ready to break down entirely during or afterward. but there's no reason to break down (in a negative sense.) SHE LOVES ME. she's all, "I do work Saturday morning" and "I'll make sure to hang around so I can see you!" She's all "Wow!" and "I'm looking forward to Saturday" (looking forward to me being there) "and to actually have a live conversation with you face to face"! Five exclamation points. Then Yeah. And two exclamation points. And then just her name because it was a quick e-mail, and the "Mary, you paranoid dork, of course I care about you/ love you/ however you need to hear it," was implied.
She's going to be there! She's going to be there! Let's bounce around and cry and drool (um? ...ok) with joy!
Skippy, skippy, skippy!
~me