yesterday, I felt restless and had trouble cleaning my room. although I did amuse myself quite a bit when I stumbled across a bunch of male paper dolls, which I quickly clad in evening gowns and arranged so they stared suggestively, dreamily, into each other's eyes. I have a theory that's ten times more fun than I had with said paper dolls as a child. now, they're off to another home, where hopefully they'll find a darling kiddle who'll grow up to find them as amusing in an equally demented way. squee.
this morning I wore an embroidered apron on my head. it reminded me of the Tin-Foil Egyptian-Royal (hey, that rhymes) headgear I had going at the 'salon.' it looked smashing. my blue streaks look less smashing. they work so much better when my hair is straight, but my hair is only straight if - 1) I haven't washed it in over two days or 2) someone forces it to be straight with an iron. so now, with my hair still so long and curly and such, I have to put it up, and that also looks silly. I'm even more glad that I nodded and shrugged appropriately when my mom suggested this wasn't what I'd wanted because it's significantly less cool without professional direction. proper short blue hair tomorrow night! squee to the trillionth power! (I hope.)
on the bus this afternoon, I was enjoying the stream of conversations in languages of which I recognize not a single syllable. I started thinking that perhaps language is even more stunning when you don't understand it. no, I never learned to love the mystery. me? not one bit... and technically, I suppose the full extent of linguistic love is only reached when you know the language thoroughly, but it's quite nice to listen to it ignorantly. rather musical. and not just because I really, really did hear someone say something that sounded *so much* like, "Is that you or a tuba?"
it's me. and yes, on the bus this afternoon... aren't you proud? let me tell you, I have *rocked* this day. I've talked to...I think, 5 different people on IM, plus Jarrod who isn't aware I talked to him because the person I thought was Jarrod was actually my brother. (that was when I first woke up, and it was pretty hilarious. there were a few minutes where I thought Jarrod had somehow, without even knowing the name of my therapist, managed to start seeing him. at which point, I realized it was John, said something similar to "Oy vey! I'm tired" and "hi, JOHN." this is when you know you do not use AIM enough... stupid screenname confusion.) but yes, I had a long talk with my brother and his best friend; I'm so geeked that his best friend talks to me (or I talk to him, or whatever - apparently, we each thought it was the other one who never said a word to us) now, as he's hilarious. although it is frightening that he can do a better impersonation of my dad and my oldest brother than most of the people in my family. sca-ry. so I did some chatting, and some commenting... I even answered the phone! the pharmacy called, and the pharmacy calls a million times if you don't answer, so I answered it. w00t. my meds are ready. my anxiety meds. the ones they wouldn't give me (again) this weekend because even though I gave them FOUR days to get doctor's approval before picking up the meds I'd scheduled to pick up the next morning, they didn't have them ready. couldn't get a hold of the doctor. and then the doctor decided to be bitchy and tell his exchange to tell us to call the office in the morning. which pisses me off because 1) I was not *trying* to bother him for a second consecutive Sunday and 2) it would have taken him a whole extra minute to call the pharmacy, but since he didn't, the prescription wasn't approved until after my mom went to work this morning, which meant *no anxiety meds* (these are the as-needed ones I take for "special challenges" and "stressful situations") for Mary. wahh. I was pissed because I had this secret plan to try the bus again. solo. and how could I do that sans meds? I don't know. I pretty much just did it. (woo-fucking-hoo. party time!) and it wasn't so bad. far less hellish than the experience Thursday. I only did the first and last part of the trip - the easy part, and the quick part as that bus runs every fifteen minutes, and the other runs every hour - hoping to boost my confidence. and I was anxious - especially waiting for the bus and communicating about getting off the bus, etc - but it wasn't so significantly horrible. now, if I try the full thing a few times (I'll be bored out of my mind for over an hour, but) I might get the hang of it. I even caught myself thinking, "hey, I could take the Green line to U-city and *finally* register to vote." (no. still haven't registered. missed the primaries. stupid fucking agoraphobia. blasted Dory-like memory. wahhh.) but yes. I mastered something almost like rational thought. please don't tell anyone.
I'm torn at the moment between wanting to tell my mom the second she appears and not wanting to tell anyone until Friday. "What? What do you mean 'Can I take the bus to my appointment tomorrow'? Of course I can! You act like I haven't been riding it every day this week!" ...I don't want to tell because I don't want to set the Friday-bus-thing in anything resembling stone. I don't want to set it in *styrofoam,* ok? But then, I need other people to join in the "Go Mary, it's your birthday" victory dance.
I'm really starting to have too many birthdays. Nah. Only two. :> And the half-birthday that's three days before my real one.
I feel like I had more equally random things to mention, but they escape me now. I'm having a semi-good day. I think it's because I'm wearing a shirt with a picture of a "Cranky" monkey. it's blue. it's a little scary because it matches my hair too well. but since I always seem to end up in bad moods when I wear shirts with sayings like "It's All Good" and "Don't Worry, Be Happy" I thought I'd try for the other side. and it worked. t-shirt reverse psychology. sweet.
totally.
~me