heartland.
11/03/04|6:39 p.m.

still sick with it. one of the first things I noticed this morning was that everyone I heard from (all non-republican) was displaying some combination of denial, rage, depression, etc... that we're grieving, tremendously. it's one thing to be robbed of your power, to have it misused for years without your consent. to then be told you can change that, to really believe it (these past couple weeks, I really did *believe* Kerry would win), and have it taken away...is another. our system doesn't work. I don't know how else to say that. 51/49 is not a majority. it's just not. it wouldn't be even if Kerry had made the 51... 51/49 is a sign that we are still so divided, as a country... what are we supposed to do? secede? I don't want civil war. and I don't want to sit around and watch my rights legislated away from me. what's going to happen to Roe vs. Wade? to same sex marriage? what's not going to happen for healthcare?

what's not going to happen. ...I really believed in it, you know? I really honestly did. Cynical progressive actually falls for the American dream. but I didn't feel powerful when I cast my vote. and I didn't feel powerful when I watched the results rush in... Jennifer talked about Canada's healthcare system today, and the truth is... I can't believe in it. I can't. I can't believe that it's possible to give an entire nation access to that sort of healthcare... because if that were possible, why wouldn't we do it? We, the leaders of the free world, would have it, wouldn't we? I can't take four more years of speeches about senior citizens and the sanctity of marriage. there's so much fighting to do without having to protest every goddamn decision made by the government. obviously I can't throw in the towel. I can't move to Canada. yet. for one thing, Wisconsin's not in Canada; for another, the doctor won't come with me. but... I don't understand. I want to stand in a room with George W. Bush right now because I'm too sick to be enraged. I want to stand in front of him and bawl like this, I want to tell him about Tracy and Dixie and Jenna and Sara and [the person I'm worried about] and me... I want to tell him the hell we're living with... I want to believe he really is human, really is compassionate, really would look at me and realize what he has to do.

he has to...

I voted. I'll protest. it's just... yesterday it was possible that things would begin to change, that real healthcare reform for all demographics would begin... and today, half the country is in mourning.

every same-sex marriage ban passed. and the AP headline reads "same sex marriage measures succeed." that's not just misleading; it's sick. not only can't I marry someone I love (because it's not as sacred as different-sex love) I can't be sure they'll live. not in a "well, they could get struck by lightning" sort of way. but in a "she needs help NOW" sort of way... I know nothing would have changed as quickly as I need it (three years ago sound good?) - but the idea that there might be reform, eventually... that while I do my work in the trenches, things could improve in the government... that eventually we wouldn't have to fight for treatment as well as against illness...

I don't have a say in what happens in this country. I don't. and I'll focus on my small-picture life and change what I can here, but it's going to be a hell of a lot harder to do that as my freedoms and choices disappear. godd, it's like my extended family was just elected into office. how long do I have before my country disowns me- assuming it won't be a more violent, direct attack? I will still work for change... I just... it's going to be a hell of a lot harder for awhile, with so much of the hope taken away.

I live here, too. I've never been outside this country. So why am I back to what I so often feel - scared, outnumbered, betrayed, unsafe? Why am I looking at the nation I live in, feeling like a trespasser, wishing I had a different homeland to fall back on? I want to run home and tell my mommy what they tried to do to us. But this country is home. And they are us.

~me

Latest
Older
Profile
Rings
Cast
Mail
Notes
Sign
Oodles
Chord
Nourish
Caged
Design
Diaryland