[in the few hours since I posted the last entry, I've re-decided what I want to do about the fact that I miss diaryland, and don't like being out of touch with diaryland - the people or the experience - about sixteen hundred times. which means I have no idea what I'll actually end up doing. I'm still enjoying lj... but I feel like a college kid torn between their school-city and their hometown. anyway. this is just to say that I have no idea what's going to go on in this space in the near future. hopefully more than has gone on in the recent past. for the moment, here's a cross-post.]
I've known for at least four days now that the doctor was not going to see me today. To the point that I kept planning today without remembering that I had an appointment at three and had to keep reminding myself that it hadn't actually been cancelled. Members of his office staff called once or twice, and each time I thought it was to say he was cancelling. But they didn't leave messages, and so I again had to adjust to the fact that he hadn't actually cancelled. Then today, I walked into his waiting room, and the not-unkind employee who needs a bit of therapy herself explained to me that she'd try to call and explain that the doctor is still out sick, but since we don't have an answering machine (except we do - essentially - we have CallNotes) she hadn't been able to tell me. Erm...ok. You can always get our machine, even if someone's on the phone. The only way it wouldn't work is if someone else was leaving a message at the same time. And from our caller id log, it was evident that she only called one time. That's exhausting her resources? Seriously... She has my mom's cell number, too, and she didn't try that. The good news was my mom had today off, so she'd dropped me off, and I called her cell, and she was able to come back right away. (It wasn't like I had wasted all this time on buses for no reason...) Blah. I wasn't too thrown by not having the appointment - because I'd expected it, intuitively, even if I'd kept trying to convince myself otherwise - but other factors... having been out so long before the appointment, having had such a stressful week, etc- meant that I picked up a migraine as I left his office. By the time I got 'home' it had developed into what I'd like to call a 'sympathy plague'... Right now I am jittery from caffeine, even though I took anxiety meds to counter the caffeine (which is the active ingredient in otc migraine meds.) Blah. So I feel sick, and I didn't get to make any real plans for tomorrow (the wedding...) or the impending return to riding the bus. (Monday.) Then again, maybe by Monday I won't be as frustrated with him. (I'm just a little bit frustrated; I think because I haven't known what was bothering me, and so we kept talking about other things, and that was annoying. It felt like we weren't communicating, even though we were both doing everything we could.) Also, he's allowed to take as many sick days as he needs (and I know I'll regret saying that, but I really do mean it) so long as he doesn't get anywhere near as sick as last December (nearly dying in the hospital...)
So, yes. I got my hair trimmed, and the under-layer buzzed back to fuzz. Unfortunately, since I stained my hair Wednesday and the bottom layer is so short, it doesn't really have the color anymore (where it's buzzed). But it's fun to pet, nonetheless. And I knew I was running that risk when I decided to dye before getting it cut. I just needed something to do with all that ridiculous energy I couldn't seem to focus. Normally, I'd have cut my hair. Or gone biking. Instead, I dyed said hair and did some cleaning. The latter is still far, far from finished... But I am getting some things organized, and I think that'll help me do more. I've been avoiding things because I was overwhelmed by how much there was to sort through... I'm doing a little better with that now. Not feeling so much in hell is definitely helping.
The hair thing was fun, too, because my mom's friend played around with it a lot, and it was the first time that I've seen him and felt like I know him somewhat. (The other few times I've met him, he's had such an established relationship with my mom and we've just been getting to know each other... he's a really great person; I enjoyed messing around with him.) He scared me for awhile because he had a blow-dryer and one of those cylindric (and the adjective form of cylinder is...?) hairbrushes that curl hair, and I was like - oh, you so can't blow-dry my hair... you *so can't.* And he was piling it up, and I was looking very 1950s (except it was blue), and that was the joke. It was actually very fun, and by the end he'd managed to tame my hair back against my head, which shows how incredibly skilled he is... because seriously, I know no hair stylist who has blow-dried my hair and not eventually developed an "oh, shit" expression and drenched it again. Anyway, we were developing the most fabulous outfit to continue the theme. You've heard of poodle skirts? Well, we decided on a pit-bull skirt. Same cut, same idea, pit-bull instead of poodle. And vinyl. With this, we decided we definitely needed a dog collar, which rocks because... I secretly whine to myself about the fact that dog collars are so cool looking, and I want one but just... cannot deal with the connotations yet. I'll find a way to redeem it eventually. Anyway, we brainstormed about shirts, shoes, etc also... but it's such a fucking awesome idea, I want rather badly to spend money on it. And maybe I will, eventually. Me sewing would be rather hilarious, but then... if it weren't more expensive than buying clothes, I'd probably make a lot of what I wear. I have a not-very-well-known interest in design.
Also, said friend... who needs a pseudonym for reasons I don't want to go into... introduced me to the term "prostitots." As in, "Libby Lu produces more prostitots than Bangkok." I love it. I really do love it. I mean, I hate the phenomenon, but I love the term. I once again whined that we need to stop saying, "We should so protest Libby Lu" and actually plan and execute a protest... Knowing so few people here does not help me on this front. Hmm. Maybe I'll start approaching the employees (all 20-something girls) and talking to them about their decision to work there. I can do that independently. Of course, it means being in the mall, which I hate, but I seem to end up there for one reason or another. Definitely something to consider.
Other something I'm considering at the moment: am I completely setting myself up for a panic attack if I call Chas and ask if she wants to get together? Can you believe that I've never technically spent time with her away from school - taking into account that not every school event took place on campus and that I spent time with her at school that was not at all school-related, and excepting time in her car...? Qualifications aside, it still seems pretty ridiculous to me. And I don't quite know what I'd say, what I'd suggest... my transportation is rather limited, and I have a hard time knowing which would be easier for me - to meet her somewhere and deal with the stress of being out, or to invite her here and deal with the stress of wanting the apartment to look perfect beforehand. Erg.
In other news, I decided that as much as I want to see Sara, (I think I'm going to make it a goal to see her before the end of December) pushing for Halloween is setting myself up for too much stress. It's too soon. But I will make a plan with her, even if it has to be a few months in advance. Oh, wow. I so wish I could blow off my family (minus my sister, who probably won't be here) and spend Thanksgiving with Sara. Just because it's all about food, and it would be such a wonderfully demented Thanksgiving if the two of us were celebrating it. She probably has obligations, too, though. And since I'm not my sister, and do not live states away, I can't make other plans so much. Especially since I don't have the money to transport myself there. Anyway.
Speaking of celebrations, the company I founded with my sister (which she has custody of at the moment) is throwing a benefit party. Tickets are 20 dollars and include a free drink and some other stuff, I think. The reason everyone in the NYC area should go (other than the fact that the money's going to a seriously awesome theater group) and the reason I desperately want to? Bubblewrap dance floor. Is that not the coolest thing ever? If it's not, it's only because Julian has a friend with a ball pit in her/his abode. And that's unfairly fucking cool.
Oh, and I bought a DDR pad, except it's cheapo and not brand name, but I'm still going to practice and have an outlet for aggression and active energy again... and eventually cream my brother Joe at it, which will be fun. I haven't gotten to play yet because we need an adaptor (or batteries, but an adaptor makes more sense)... but hopefully it will work and all will be well. I suck so much at this game. I look forward to not sucking, although I'm sure there's some frustration in between.
I'm once again really happy with my blue hair; the cut helped a lot... for some reason it always takes me a couple of days to decide I like it, but I do again. Yeay! I think I want to be (a female? ish?) Bluebeard for Halloween. How hilarious a concept is that? Plus, I've never gotten to properly cross-dress. I've only done it in historical garb (once for a Shakespeare play and once for Halloween, in which I was a 17th century ghost created by the lovely Oscar Wilde... I was 10 by the way, and I so won most creative costume that year - mwa ha ha)... I think I'm still disappointed that I didn't get to dress up as a pirate and go see Pirates of the Caribbean with a huge group of friends. I'm still confused by the fact that movies like that might actually be good. Movies about pirates and zombies and things I've never watched before. But I'm starting to really hate not being in a proper geek scene. Anyway, the Bluebeard thing will allow me to be a pirate and to draw on my face, both of which are good things. I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly covered myself in Crayola marker this week. No, I am not kidding. I want body paint so badly it's ridiculous. But then... I also sort of think there's no reason to buy that specifically. For instance the so-called "tattoo" ink pens you can buy? I just look at them and go, "Every pen is a tattoo pen. Didn't they get that memo?" My parents allowed me to draw on myself growing up. They were only bothered by it occasionally, and often, my mom approved. My oh-so-cool mom, who is dying her hair purple some time in the next few months. Well, she's doing it pretty light; she mainly just wants to turn her silver hair (and yes, it's silver, not grey, and yes, every one of my siblings and I pray to have that gene) purple to celebrate her 50th birthday... and leave what's dark, dark. I figure the dark will get a purple tinge, too, but it's pretty funny. She's such a copycat, honestly...
I don't mind at all except that she'll draw attention away from me. (I'm serious! Ha! Wow, there's a confession.) And I probably would have gone toward purple eventually, a blue-purple would probably have been my second color, but now... I don't know. There needs to be some autonomy. But anyway, people are already excited and freaked out about it. Strangers. She picked up hair dye for me the other night, and the woman at the store asked if it was for her, and my mom said, "No, but it could be" - and explained that if (when) it were (will be) for her, it'll be purple. They had a nice talk about how weird it is that women will dye their hair to hide the gray, but insist they're too old to dye it any unnatural color... and how cool it is that my mom's dying it to celebrate the fact that she's aged some. Which got her started on painting oneself, and how it makes no sense that we're comfortable with one form of adornment (say, make-up) and not with another (say, face paint... or blue hair dye.) It's a speech I've heard and contributed to many times, but it's still pretty awesome. The woman at the store wanted to put her on tape to show all the women who say they're too old. Ha. Funny. Now pay attention to me again. Etc.
I think I had a few more things to say, but I've lost track of them temporarily. Oh. I'm ridiculously happy to see some of my favorite fictional characters (television) return. Squee. They make me happy. And Veronica Mars - which the critics insist is one of the breakout hits of the season - is written so poorly, I was grateful to have the poor acting to occasionally distract me. But it *is* a fantastic name for a teen detective. So very comic book. I was disappointed. I have a mystery fetish. What am I saying? I just need to find out when Monk is on, if I want a mystery tv show. Silly Mary. Problem resolved.
Why do I always feel so insecure when I talk about television? I watch television! I do! I watched "The Apprentice" this week. I learned things about business, was semi-entertained, and was amazed by how totally I would never, ever want to be on that show. So, yes. I watch tv! There's going to be a Spongebob Squarepants movie. And I am going to see it. And I am going to be happy.
Hopefully, in a more widespread sort of way. :>
~me