oh-so-many apologies. I've done a less than stellar job of cross-posting recently, and I've finally decided to just stop saying I'll catch up and let the entries from this last little period stay where they are. that's how I'm actually managing to type *something* here. also, I'm thinking about passwording this journal so I feel more comfortable cross-posting the more private entries I've been writing in my oh-so-filtered livejournal. but that wouldn't be to keep any of you out, that'd be to make keeping all of you in the loop a bit easier... so if I do password, and you want the key, just let me know, ok? it's probably temporary; such things usually are with me.
so, the fast, deprived-of-detail update on my life:
1) I did some tutoring, liked it, went to check into doing it at a more local branch and... got kicked off the shuttle buses. The shuttle buses I've been using to get to my appointments and make my world bigger than a block. oh, yes. I was very, very upset. Now I have my own special pass that says I do not need to be a student to ride because I am so cool in my own right. Or something like that. I can go back to riding the shuttles. I have not yet done this, and I'm nervous to try. Plus, I have to use a ridiculously outdated school id for my photo id because I'm waiting for my social security card (it's one of six million things that are in the mail to me) before I can get a state id. And because I can be anxious about anything, that makes me more nervous about it all.
2) My cousin is getting married tomorrow. Hardly anyone from my extended family is attending because they think it's horribly sinful for him not to get married in a Catholic church. This means that I'm going, and I'm less than excited about that... but... you've got to be supportive. Family, after all. So tomorrow I get to go to church and watch a wedding and hang out at a reception for awhile. Oh, and my dad is probably coming, so both of my parents will be there. My divorced parents at a wedding. Why don't we do this every weekend?
3) I've been a complete mess without any understanding as to why for over a week now. I think I'm starting to understand things now, but it's still really confused... Grr. Frustrating.
4) I heard from Jenna and she wants to be in touch with me.
5) I'm playing phone tag with Sara, who sounds less than ok, but I'm hoping that was just an in-the-moment thing and she's actually better than she sounds... please please please?
6) I miss Chas. A lot. I'm wondering how terrified I'll be if I call her and ask if she wants to get together and do something.
7) Did I mention here that I finally heard from Mandy? I did.
8) We ran out of food for the second time... because my mom got so crazy busy with work and put off shopping. (She feels awful, so I don't like to mention it...even here...but...) I freaked out quite a bit, feeling like I was being starved again, starting to think like my eating disorder was back in control of my brain, etc. I finally broke down in tears and told her I needed food. The doctor thinks it's not a coincidence that I started to freak out about the idea of relapsing (moreso, again) right after we'd been talking so much about what's next. He's probably right. But honestly, if he says "what's next" one more time... I think I'm kind of mad at the doctor. And that's something that news to me. It's just been frustrating to meet with him when I didn't know what was wrong, when we talked about all of these things that weren't the problem, weren't the issue. My life as predicted based on what my mom has told him. Or something. Hopefully, it'll be better today.
9) I'm really tired, all the time. I've been sick.
10) I miss it here. I'm way behind on everything you've all written.
11) I want, of course, to go home. No action taken toward that effect yet.
...so...that's something.
~me