Called RED (it's still RED to me) to talk with Steph and succeeded in getting her. It was lovely, and then - quite unintentionally and in a quite characteristic manner - she broke my heart a bit, and then it was lovely again. But I was pretty prepared for that. I've called other times when the heartbreak (today's phrasing was "you're not supposed to miss it here") was extended over the entire conversation. But today I was ready, and I stood up for missing them, and even when she said that, I said back, "I don't miss the sickness. I just miss the people."
She said, "We do have a lot of great people here," and I agreed. And then she went on to talk about how I must consider giving a rap speak (so very Steph) and come to the next candlelight vigil and all these other things that make her comments about not missing them and not visiting them completely bizarre. I know she doesn't mean it or that she wouldn't if she fully understand what it's like for me. But afterward, I always wish I'd thought to say to her, "Steph! Supposed is a synonym of should! I love you guys. Why are you shaming me for that?"
That'd probably throw her. But, no, the conversation was good; I was prepared for the fallout. And now I have to grab shoes and hightail it to a bus stop so I can cry about the fallout and some previous emotional distress with the doctor at one.
Yippy skippy.
But I am glad I called... I miss her, whether she likes it or not.
~me