the good, the bad, and the infuriatingly ridiculous.
08/16/04|6:38 p.m.

because apparently there's some confusion:

the fountain being turned off before I managed to play in it? bad.

the little girl by the fountain saying hi to me, and telling me her name was Jessica? good.

my own shock at being spoken to keeping me from saying anything intelligent, or stopping a moment (seeing as I knew I'd just missed the shuttle bus) to play with her? bad.

having her friend/sister/cousin/or some other creature say she liked my hair? good.

stumbling all over people as I attempted to board the shuttle? bad.

hoofing it from campus to the doctor's and having a really short exchange and an even shorter nonverbal exchange with three guys tearing up the sidewalk and a kind-smiled man at an intersection? good.

feeling like a prissy white girl because I couldn't understand what one of the sidewalk-tearing guys said to me and had to keep saying, "what?" until eventually I caught a compliment about my hair for which I could thank him? bad.

having the doorman who I've finally won over enough to elicit a not-entirely-robotic conversation from break off his discussion with a more-important (by ritzy complex standards) peer to say, "Now, that's cute! I really like that!" about (what else?) my hair? good.

spending twenty minutes of my session either indifferent, upset (why the *hell* did my mom bring a recent act of positive vandalism to the attention of the doc?), or seriously frustrated with him for no reason I could locate? bad.

agreeing to play it like a Chinese finger trap and slip into different topics, which included the varied responses to blue hair, my experience of throwing shit out, the animation and associations of 'objects', and the year my sister and I learned we were funny? good.

being a little freaked out by the just-younger-than-me, rather slight girl in the waiting room when I left? bad.

but not being totally freaked out and having meds with me (after screwing up rather impressively around my meds last week)? good.

running into the same sidewalk-breaking men a little farther down the line than before and having the guy who I felt rotten for not understanding before ask me out? really fucking annoying.

and as I walked... more and more and more irritating.

catching a shuttle with a driver I recognize and like and even know the name of? good.

standing at the intersection right by my apartment for a million years while two guys in a nearby car decided to tell me everything they liked about how I looked, and ask if I went to school, and make me really hate words that are usually good because the light would *not* fucking change? EVEN MORE irritating.

getting inside? better.

to shamelessly abridge/ summarize: if you are between the ages of born and 14 and wish to offer me a sincere, no-strings-attached compliment on my hair? I'm all about it. if you are at least a generation older than me and understand how to act appropriately in light of that, as well as the fact that you're a civil human being, and wish to engage me in conversation, smile at me, say hi, or socialize in some other manner? feel free. if you're going to act like an ass, please allow me to get a good distance first. gratsi.

some advice: do not, under any circumstances, ask someone out before you know their name. under all but the most extraordinary of circumstances, do not ask someone out after 'meeting' them on the sidewalk.

because... I may never have been on a date, I may be pretty damn sure I don't believe in having a 'type', I may be trying to determine whether or not I have a gender-orientation (and if I do, these guys were seriously wasting their time, but then - we already knew that), and still - still! I know that I don't want to go out with you. I have an incredible psychic ability that allows me to determine that guys who ask me out because I say two words to them and guys who call to me at crosswalks from their cars... are not my long-lost soulmates.

now if the fates will give me a second chance with the kid-actually-approaches-me-because-I-have-pretty-hair scenario? I'm all about it.

hmm. maybe this winter I'll arm myself with a super-soaker (water gun) and drench any offenders. mmm. I like the taste of that fantasy...

~me

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