different sort of blues.
07/26/04|11:41 a.m.

I KNEW IT! hence the hair.

Blue
What Color is Your Brain?

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At work or in school: I like to be with people, sharing with them, inspiring them, and helping them. I work and learn best when I can take into consideration people and the human element. I flourish in an atmosphere of cooperation.

With friends: I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic, and I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others. I am affectionate, supportive and a good listener.

With family: I like to be happy and loving. I am very sensitive to rejection from my family and to family conflicts. I really like to be well thought of and need frequent reassurance. I love intimate talks and warm feelings.

*

if my dad asks me again, if the hair's a symbol of something, or some sort of statement, I think I'll tell him I've decided to base my life on online-quiz results. this of course means I must change my career path ever so slightly, as I work to become chief of police. a significant onus, I'm afraid, as given the "if an extra-terrestrial showed up at your door would you call the police or invite it in?" question... I finally decided I'd be more inclined to invite it in, as - despite my social phobias - I think I'd be less scared of an alien than I am of the police.

state of the atoms address: I am currently battling a migraine from a circle of hell not defined by Dante. SOME good does come of this. I have no energy to dislike myself, and the involuntary migraine mantra "I'm not going to die; it only feels like I'm going to die" is helpful in the emotional realm as well. I have freaking GOOD self-body-y'know-all-that-image (*good!* yeay! now I have the ever-so helpful, "yeah, and on Sunday/ Monday, I was perfectly fine with how I looked - happy, even - and the odds that I've changed signicantly since then are... right. NIL. so shut the fuck up!" defense. woo-hoo!) what else? er, saw some family (family I was worried I wouldn't see because of my sucky emotional state.) namely my aunt Jean, in from California, and my cousin Anna, in from Phoenix. Anna's moving back in less than a year, which will rock, if I'm still here then. (I like to pretend it's possible I'll have a life of my own at this point. And I don't deny the strong possibility that my capacity for self-restraint will at some point give out and I will not be able to live outside my darling Dairyland one minute more. squee.) they both showed frightfully conservative tendencies, which is hard - especially with Jean, hard - because hers seem more to be a rigidity of personality than political or social beliefs. with Anna it's more the Catholicism thing, which I have practice dealing with... but I'm going to be really heartbroken for awhile if, "Anna, I like girls" doesn't go over well. not that I've reached that point yet. I doubt I'll "reach that point" anytime before November because in November I will next see my sister, and she is the one I'm most ready to tell at this point. I assume when I tell her, I'll spill into telling my other siblings - because it sucks to do that, "here's some information for you to accustom yourself with - now DON'T TELL ANYONE!" thing. what else? Suzanne IS on vacation, so it's possible I did not completely frighten her away. (yeay!) ...I'm supposed to have blue hair next Sunday (raise your hand if you believe it... hmm- why do I suspect there will be significantly fewer hands raised for this poll?) ... so do lots of wishin' and hopin' and prayin', etc... oh, and my mom got a new job, which means that she no longer has to get to work by 4:45 (after this week), and she's *a few steps* closer to her actual passions and talents than she was serving coffee. I'm so glad that ridiculousness has ended, although she's made some really good friends working there, and I know she'll have a hard time leaving them. (the whole brewing and calling and mixing thing? not so much.) I'm finally being paid for all my hard work. meaning, I'm officially disabled. SUCK. however, I got the back-payment for the amount I would have been paid if they'd started when we first filed... which means I held a check in my hands yesterday for more money than I would, in all likelihood, have accumulated if I didn't spend any Christmas/ birthday/ etc money in my entire life. ROCK. so there's sort of a balance. I could do without the part of the legal-document that says, implicitly, "My name is Mary and my life SUCKS royally" and then - without paraphrasing this time - "I don't expect this to change." great. really hopeful then. blue skies and all that stuff.

eh, screw blue skies. I want blue hair!

::migraine overpowers good mood and Mary falls off her chair into a fetal position::

the scary thing is... I think I like this better than emotional agony and physical peace. although one might venture so far as to say I *could* have a day free from both. I know it sounds like crazy talk. but, hey, as I told Cinderella this morning when - during an insomnia bout - I was playing the Fairy Godmother in the R&H musical (I have a really good interpretation of her by the way; someone should cast me) impossible things are happening everyday.

now I have to go shower, eat, and find the yarnball the doctor wants me to bring in for the cat he sees in the furniture.

just your average day...

~me

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