and the way we work I can't even remember if I've ever said I love you to your face. I've counted out the weeks now, and you must leave today. tomorrow. you had more time than I thought you did, but not with me. and it's weird you're getting married where I can't see you because it's weird to me that I don't want to look. and running through my head are the I-love-yous we did say, even if they weren't in person, and the I-want-you-at-my-wedding that didn't consider - everything - and wondering what might change in the I-want-you-to-meet-my-children that followed after it. and then there's knowing that I really do love you as much as I've ever loved anyone, and we wouldn't work but we never got to try, and it isn't fair, and it isn't right, and I hate it, and I love you, and I have no idea how to feel about him... but I love us ...and also - even if you weren't approaching I-do - you wouldn't be the everything. even though I do love you with my whole heart and feel like fog beating against a cliff, even as I know that I have to know, also, that I've already loved others. before, during, after, now, then, later. that there's no such thing as the one or the one who got away. that I love you, as perfectly as I ever could, and our us is restricted somewhat now, in a way it might not have been. that you love him, are marrying him, I'm not stopping you, or wishing I would do so... I love you, and you're marrying him, and the worst part is, it's not the end of the world.
~me