harry is the one you think you'll marry...
06/10/04|8:48 p.m.

!harry potter (prisoner of azkaban/ order of the phoenix) spoiler alert!

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harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban in imax theater = the best reason to be disoriented/ dizzy/ funny in the head *ever*. I want to watch it all day every day for a long long time. and I want to kick out all the people who are sitting around me saying things like, "so, basically, he's a wizard... and he's at this - school?" that make me want to attack them in a not-nice way. (because, you know, I usually "attack" so kindly.) oh my godd. oh my godd. so so good. I'm more upset now to realize Sirius is gone than I was when I read OotP. cannon Harry. mmm, other than the few chapters of OotP I've reread over the past 24 hours this is the first cannon Harry I've had in a long, long time and wow. it made me remember the first time I read PoA ... how I sat up late in my sister's room, (which I sort of took over after my siblings all moved out), how I flipped out when Buckbeak was executed and Sirius was going to be kissed by the dementor, how I went absolutely crazy when I realized what Hermione could do... and how I refused sleep turning page after page in total awe... to this day, the time-turner is one of my favorite Rowling innovations. it's the brilliance of how she hides it in, like everything. it's the "why didn't I think of that?!" following incredibly outrageous brilliance because even incredibly outrageous brilliance seems only logical when she writes it. aiy. and that was before Rogers, when I was still looking for salvation in every form of fiction I could find. not that I don't still do so, to a lesser extent. and to have a guardian for Harry meant so much. I was so glad when Sirius asked Harry to come live with him. I was so hurt when it didn't work out.

I came 'home' afterward, and my mom and I were talking about it, and I told her about grieving Sirius all over again... and then I started to say, "that first time ... when you think he's dead ... watching it now, it was just like - yeah, well, whatever- he'll be dead in two years anyway. fat load of good that did." I caught myself before I said it because I realized it's something I've felt about actual people, my actual beloved friends, who only got one more year, or two more years, than they otherwise would have. how much I got to know them in those one or two years... how much that time meant. Lupin (my darling Lupin, one of my favorite characters, by far my favorite DatDA teacher, whom I nearly wept to read resigned) is right about it being a remarkable amount of good.

now if only Poor Draco could develop a heart...

I want to be watching it *now*... I haven't the slightest idea why I didn't just stay in the theater for the next showing. so they would have kicked me out, so what? so, so, so unbelievably good. that's why it isn't fair that it's a craze. because crazes and fads constantly light down on ridiculously worthless items (anyone recall Gia pets? how about the Furbee?) and there is so much of value in these books. I want to protect them.

I also want my dreams of being at Hogwarts back. but that would require me to sleep. and I'm not sure I'm ever going to have that luxury again...

but I did turn to my mom, when the last credit had rolled by, and I finally had to leave the theater, to say (can I help it if I had a British accent at this point?) "But... I don't want to go home yet." I want to be at Hogwarts, and I want to be in Gryffindor, and I want to feel at home the way I dreamed of feeling when I first read PoA, the way I did feel for three delicious months, the way they say I'll feel again. as soon as I'm reading/ watching again, no doubt. I know I'll retract this statement when I finish the sixth book, but for the moment I must admit the following:

I hope with every atom of my being that it takes JK Rowling 20 years to write the seventh book. Because I don't ever, ever want it to end.

~me

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